In business, not every dispute needs to feel like this...

Over at CEDR no expense was spared to research the real cost of conflict to British business.

In addition to producing a poster worthy of a Greenpeace campaign they also found the cost to be a whopping £33 billion.

The good folks at CEDR then went the extra distance and found:

1. Over a third of managers would rather parachute jump for the first time (35%) than address a problem with their team at work, and just under a third would rather shave their head for charity (27%).
2. Many managers do not feel comfortable addressing conflict. Half (49%) would rather attend an event at which they knew no one than tell a client a home truth and over two thirds (69%) would rather send back a bottle of wine in a restaurant than confront a boss’s underperformance directly.

Listen to the audio for more

Trust, I get it now...

I was down that old farm road again this weekend, this time with the kids for some winter horseriding (them) and driftwood collecting (me) on the beach.

The 'Locols Only' (sic) graffiti has been painted out and something even more offensive is now scrawled on the side of the water tank.

But it continues to have lessons for me, that childhood road.

On the left shoulder, half way down there's a farm house, set back from the road.

Out front is a weathered kitchen table - its been there for years. In summer it has punnets of berryfruit but now its got bags of winter lemons for sale at 50 cents.

Then there's a wooden box with a slit for the money, and that's it - not even a note asking for payment.

Trust me, I won't bite

So how do you go about creating a tissue of trust at 9am in a sterile hotel boardroom on a Monday morning where no-one will look at anyone?...

No, not like your last conference panel discussion on 'how mediators build trust' where you authoritatively explained the distinction between calculus-based and identification-based trust.

Talk's cheap - how do you actually conjure it up out of nothing, right there, so you can get to work?

S.M.E.

Its been a while since I was involved in such a dense mediation.

What surprised me today was the energy it took just to follow the impervious techical discussion.

That effort left little time and space me for to do all the other things I was hired to do at the table and avoid slowing down the group.

Subject Matter Expertise is an old chestnut but its moved since the time I took the purely theoretical view that process guides trumped substance experts every time.

Our increasingly fastidious market sometimes insists we've been down that precise road before - in both lanes.

Great on paper, crap at the table

I was reminded of that outrageous post a while back at The Skink when, earlier this week, I endured a training video of a retired judge mediator role playing a commercial mediation.

When it was TTTKA* - time to generate some good old fashioned options and alternatives he informed the parties they had 2 choices, 'my way or the highway...'

Worth a read this weekend...

Mediation - Schmediation...from The Upbeat Divorce Blog reminds me that, just like my old swim coach, we tend to forget how cold the water is when we aren't the one in swimming...

'I was better prepared for this
session.

After my last experience, I remembered that
living with him - it was when he sensed 'weakness' that he came in for the kill.
So I promised myself that I'd remain calm today...'

and

'This morning when I dropped my daughter off with The Idiot, I
needed to pull into the driveway after the 'handoff' so I could turn around. He was taking his own sweet time to get to across the driveway...'

If you want more of the dark side visit the blog's eclectic blog roll including links like Mistakes Were Made...but mostly by him

I suppose it's good to talk about it.

It wasn’t as if it was broken…but I tried to fix it anyway

Yeah, that'll be sure to do it.

Poke around why don't you? - pushing and prodding, looking for soft tissue in the cadaver of the relationship.

What the hell did you think you were doing out there today?

It was never about the relationship stupid. They had let that go.

They were JV partners for heavens sakes, so why treat them like a couple needing to make up?

Know the job they need you to do - it's not like you always have to ask parties if they want fries with that.

Mediators can't afford to be rescuers.

Proof from the Prof.

Now you can see them coming...

The Querulous amongst us...(that's the unusually persistent pursuit of a personal grievance in a manner seriously damaging to the individual's interests and disruptive to the functioning of the courts or other agencies attempting to resolve the claim)

Prof. Paul Mullen's research on written complaints (...think documents received during the intake process) discloses fascinating indicators of querulous activity;


Highlighting in a single colour : 19.2% [querulous group] / 2.3% [control group]

Highlighting in multiple colours : 33% / 16%

Underlining ----------------------------- : 56% / 10%

CAPITALS : 50.0% / 9.1%

Multiple exclamation marks!!! : 40% / 6.8%

Comments in margins : 32.7% / 11.4%

"Inverted commas" : 40% / 11.4%

...read the full powerpoint presentation

Worth a read this weekend...

... while its up on the web take a peek at a collection of very useful articles.

All with the theme of Theory to Practice - Mediators Can Practise What Psychologists Teach.

OK, a few more images from Malaysia

Salam Dari Malaysia - 25 Malaysian Mediators Are Born

Greetings from Malaysia!

Posting to you from a hot and steamy outdoor cyber cafe in a throbbing market in the heart of vibrant Kuala Lumpur.

...where this week in 39c heat my colleague Deb Clapshaw and I have been training the most talented, warm and welcoming bunch of budding and passionate mediators you could imagine.

Senior Officers from the Biro Bantuan Guaman will start mediating legal aid matters from August as a result of a bold piece of legislation allowing for mediation of all legal aid cases in Malaysia.
We laughed and cried as we got to know each others' language and customs. Like 'we've nailed it' (NZ) and the gentle, respectful way Malaysians greet you...by shaking your hand, then drawing their hand away and up to their heart...one of the most beautiful gestures I can imagine.

Malaysia can teach us all a thing or two about peaceful living as it's peoples co-exist and thrive in their Malay, Chinese and Indian communities...and the wonderful food, wet markets and smells. Even the subway stops sound exotic...ahhh Asia!

....and Laurence Boulle's book went over big - thanks Laurence you have started a whole new thing about mediation and cooking. And talking of things training - great post over at Diane Levin's blog for us wannabe trainers.